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WHEN ADVERSITY KNOCKS...
I have been taking classes at Buddha Gate Monastery for nearly four years. I consider myself to be a novice, although Buddhism has given me glimpses of greater understanding and slivers of insight that have allowed me to handle adversity differently than I have in the past. Adversity comes in so many forms, seemingly from within and without. Outside me, it can take the simple form of an irate driver, a hostile store clerk, a slight illness, or a blown light bulb. Or it can take stronger forms such as a dire illness, a car accident, the breakdown of an important relationship, the loss of a loved one, or the loss of a job. Forces outside me can gather to create warfare and generate vast destruction, both at home and abroad. These are easy to identify because I have conditioned myself to look outside for the causes of my unhappiness. Because my senses are habitually turned outward, I perceive that adversity must be caused by what is happening “out there.” To my embarrassment, depending upon my internal state, my reactions are sometimes identical for all levels of “outside” adversity. In a given moment, confronting a blown light bulb can escalate my emotions beyond the outrage and despair felt regarding a War! Locating the source of adversity within me is the greater chore. When I first started learning about Buddhism, I tended, as I have said, to perceive adversity almost exclusively outside me. It made sense then that I also sought solutions to adversity outside of myself. Though I carried with me a vague awareness that my real understanding of adversity and its solutions were to be found within, I continued to pound the world upon my own anvil hoping to reshape it into a workable resemblance of my own idea of perfection. Sometimes it seemed to work, at least a little bit, and the world seemed to get the idea of what I wanted. Then all of it would dissolve, fluctuate, and reform into a new variety of adversity. I often felt like I was trying to row an ocean liner with a drinking straw. My studies at Buddha Gate Monastery, along with the compassionate and thoughtful guidance of my teachers, as well as the support of my fellow students, have given me new tools with which to approach adversity. Meditation Meditation was my greatest inspiration for attending Buddhist classes. I recall that on my very first introductory tour of Buddha Gate Monastery, I was most drawn to the Meditation (Chan) Hall. I knew that I must return to sit upon those bright gold and yellow pads and go inward. Really, for me, there are no concrete ways to describe the benefits of meditation in regards to adversity. It is something I do in silence to slow my mind and prepare it for other, more describable, skills. In that way, I place it first and foremost. I simply know that I cannot see my truth, perhaps any truth, in darkened, tempestuous waters. Reflection This has proved to be one of my most useful tools. It originally arose for me out of my meditation, but has begun to “follow me” like a trusted friend— it now appears of its own accord, even apart from sitting meditation. When confronted by adversity, it allows me precious moments to curb my emotions and keep me more firmly planted in what I understand to be the Middle Way. It also gives me the awareness to remember the great, and sometimes destructive power, of cause and effect. Not always, but oftentimes, I am able to at least contain the level of adversity by leaving space and time for right thinking, right speech, right consciousness, etc. Even more importantly, reflection in the face of adversity allows me to more deeply access the Buddha mind. Often, solutions to adversity seem to “appear from nowhere” and everyone involved is pleased and satisfied. It has taken great faith for me to turn toward internal solutions for outside adversity, but my faith is gradually being rewarded with honorable and compassionate results. I feel increasing gratitude for that; and gratitude is a form of happiness. Emptiness This was one of the most difficult concepts for me to grasp. Perhaps, just maybe, it was hard to understand because it holds within it my own (body) mortality. It was difficult for me to look at the end of forms, things and people that I am attached to; places I still long to see; repentances I have not done; wrongs I have committed and left uncorrected and unhealed; and expressions of appreciation and gratitude that I have not expressed. Also, I am no longer a young man and I faced the truth of my place on the mortal timeline. It all came with this concept of emptiness. However, once understood, I found great treasure in this concept as well. I felt motivated to undertake as much “correction” to my Karma as I could do (and am still doing); I recognized the freedom that could be obtained from breaking attachment to this temporary existence; and I have found it to be a useful way to handle adversity. As I said at the beginning of this article, I often treated all adversity with the same level of emotion. Now, when my distress is too great, I turn to this great truth of emptiness to remind me of the Absolute and not to give the temporary too much weight. Karma This has been another difficult topic for me. Since I was not wholly open to the concept of emptiness and my own (body) mortality, why would I want to even consider coming back again and again? I had pushed this truth back to the very outermost recesses of my common mind. Initially, it invoked a sense of despair and hopelessness in me. Gradually though, I have begun to understand that I am not a victim of Karma, but a “Depositor.” It is a wonderful banking system that can be misunderstood and under-appreciated. I remind myself when I face adversity that I can choose to “Deposit” or “Withdraw.” I can either build my account or diminish it. This helps me to see adversity as an opportunity and then deal with it in a more thoughtful and constructive way involving a lot less suffering. Staying Present In my experience, this has become a sort of “end result” of all my studies. This is where I take my understanding and awareness out into the world. I have found it to be one of the most powerful ways for me to handle adversity. I didn’t realize it, but I often thought that I was facing adversity, when in reality I was resisting and avoiding it. Often, I wished that I was anywhere but there in the face of adversity. I would imagine being somewhere in the past or the future to attempt to comfort myself. I didn’t see this in myself and to be compassionate with myself, I don’t think it is that uncommon. I have very gradually come to understand that a nail cannot be hammered from a thousand yards away, the right words cannot be spoken out of earshot, a heart cannot be mended from wishing, and the truth cannot be attained with my back to it. When adversity knocks, I try, with all the effort I can muster, to remain in the present. When I do, it gives my Buddha Mind a chance to strengthen its place in my life; it increases my faith through success; my appreciation for myself and others compounds itself; and frankly, it always seems to turn out well. I have actually used many of these tools, concepts and devices during the creation of this writing. When I was first asked to compose this article, I resisted for many reasons. I had not written about my understanding of Buddhist concepts before and I did not feel entirely adequate. I worried that my understanding was not deep enough or that I could not find the right words to explain my understanding. I feared that my ego would invade the writing and I would embarrass myself through a perceived lack of humility, or worse, fall into misleading others. There was a wide range of inner adversity that I projected up on the screen of the outside world, and in the process was darkening and creating waves on my own inner pool. I resisted to the point where I went two days beyond the deadline and then had to face the adversity of the failure to complete this on time. I countered this adversity by setting aside a time for me to settle myself. It meant I would have to forgo other events, other attachments, other distractions. I brought myself to meditation and then on to reflection. I was compassionate and understanding with myself and gradually came to a perspective of this project that allowed me to use it as an instrument for cultivation and growth. I did my best to give my Buddha Mind a chance to participate in its creation and I set my intention on staying in the present and completing this task to the best of my abilities. I reminded myself of the temporary nature of forms-including words and writing. Now the writing is done and I have enjoyed sharing. Chuan Bo There is no burden |
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