Buddha Gate Monastery

Looking ahead to the New Year is also an opportunity to look backwards, not only to see where I may be going but to reflect on where I have been. Who I am today is not the person I was yesterday or the person I will be in the future. Sometimes I think I am losing my identity. The lines of demarcation are no longer clearly defined. Who am I? Before practicing Buddhism I read many books on the subject, and I recall a line, “There is no abiding self.” It was a totally new idea. Now I am learning from my experiences at Buddha Gate that all life is in flux and that such a realization, which initially is frightening, can become on a deeper level not only comforting but liberating.

Since being actively engaged in Buddhism the past five years, my life has gradually been a process of letting go—letting go of old patterns and habits that defined my and my universe, letting go of ideas and concepts maintained for security and stability, and letting go of the person I think I am. I am shedding a lifetime of layers, and with the loss of each layer, I become lighter. One can accumulate a lot of baggage over time, which can be an obstacle to the realization of one is Buddha nature.

What would my life become if I had not entered the Bodhi path? I can only assume that my judgmental critical characteristics would have prevailed and that underneath a persona seeking perfectionism, an unfulfilled spiritual yearning would have persisted—a vague feeling that there must be more to life.

I live now increasingly in the present. My life before Buddhism was spent looking ahead to the future or ruminating on the past. There is pleasure in simply being present in my life, right here, right now, accepting what is. I have always had goals which created pressures and drives and to change my attitude about this is not easy. But I have increasing faith in karma, its results and connections, and I see it manifested as my awareness increased. With infinite life and a dedication to the Bodhi path, I can practice with assurance and faith that the Buddha nature within will eventually emerge and follows.